Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
