there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
