he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
