My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
