I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
