Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
