Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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