When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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