The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
