Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword