my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.