youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
