It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize