im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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