i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
