Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
