Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
