I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
