guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
