i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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