I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is Oprah even human
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
