WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
