Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this beer tastes like vomit already
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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