I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
