This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
