Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize