I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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