I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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