I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
