Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
