you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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