When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
