i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
