those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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