Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
