Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
