i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize