I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
