UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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