Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
