its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
