i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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