i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
