i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
