The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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