Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
