What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize