So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
