Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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