How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it glows. i had to have it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
