I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hippo gnu deer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
