Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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