Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize