Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
