Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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