why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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