just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
