But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
