**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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