apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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